Our head supervillian and founder of VILE CORP, The Evil Wizard, has decreed that faux-vintage alcohols, “lovingly hand-crafted with only the finest artisanal ingredients,” are anathema. As are the odious multinational alcohol companies that fill our shelves with industrially produced swill. When Earth falls to The Wizard (or the millennials) we will strike down the monopolistic oligarchs and bathe free in a sea of purifying alcohol, washing away the sins of our fathers and welcoming with reverence and utter obedience, our new all-father, The Evil Wizard.

L’Absinthe Sordide is the result of 15 years of research into Alchemy and Spagyrics. It is a “full spectrum” tincture that contains the life force of 14 herbs imported from Europe, Australia and Asia, but it tastes less like bitter medicine than it does a well-rounded bouquet of anise, citrus and mint with spicy grass and wood notes that roll across the tongue in stages. The bitterness of two kinds of wormwood is balanced by a small amount of sugar. Just enough to make it officially a liqueur so that the gubment doesn’t make us put our secret formula on the label.

The colour at 70% is a dusky emerald but we are offering L’Absinthe Sordide at 40% for ease of drinking so the color is a pale leaf green. When produced, the drink is cloudy and pre-louched, but sometimes the louche breaks and settles, the plant oils coming out of solution. This sediment does not change the texture or flavour, just let it lay like the skeletons in your closet.

The classical green fairy has been updated with modern accoutrements; beginning as a photo of Henchman #14, she was rendered to ink by one artist and to paint by another. Henchman #14 did not survive this process. Her rendition was translated to vector where she achieves immortality on the bottle along with the iconic mask logo of The Evil Wizard and Cthulu himself. All hail Cthulu!
We were unable to source radioactive uranium glass for these bottles so we chose a simple yet elegant container of Italian flint and then smothered it with our overbearing shrink-sleeve label. Rest assured, our remaining inventory is being stored in a puddle of toxic waste behind our facility and will be glowing for several millennia.

The layers of wax that strangle the neck of the bottle were created in our lair from paraffin, EVA and minerals. The wax vat was not large enough to fall into. We will use a larger vat next time. The custom stamp atop the wax is from The Evil Wizard’s signet ring, signifying the seal of his approval.

If you need another incentive to purchase this, consider that The Evil Wizard has an orbital death ray. We have convinced him to add the addresses of you minions (customers) to the exclusion list of the targeting system. $45 is a reasonable price for your continued existence. Fair warning.

In his days of bathtub brewing, His Vileness concocted a number of potions that met with his stern approval. They might be resurrected again as spirits, liqueurs or ready-to-pour cocktails, but for the moment we are focusing on the above spirits. In any case, they are presented here for a more comprehensive insight into the Wizard’s nefarious mind and history. By clicking the pictures below, you may read the writeup for each potion in all its (justified) megalomaniacal hubris.